You Did Everything Right
And it still feels like something's missing
The phone rang with a call I wasn’t expecting. I glanced down at the caller ID and saw that it was a friend I adore. I quickly answered.
“Phew,” she said, “I’m so glad you picked up. I don’t know why but things feel so weird and I thought that if anyone could understand this, it would be you.”
Now, my friend is at the top of her field. She’s highly skilled, highly respected, a thought leader. She’s amazing. So I was a little surprised to hear those words come out of her mouth, but I was ready to be there for her.
“Tell me what’s going on,” I said.
See, she’s been very intentional about her life. She set goals, she created space for her dreams, she made a way through the hard stuff. And now, at this point in her life, all of her planning has paid off.
She has everything she’s ever wanted, the way that she wants it, and on her own terms.
And somehow things just don’t feel right.
”OK,” I said. “Is it that there’s something missing? Or is it that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you really wanted?”
Because either could be true, or it could be something else.
”It’s that I thought that when I got here, it would feel… different.”
Which stopped me in my tracks. Because I recognized myself in that sentiment.
I, too, have worked for years to have the spaciousness in my calendar that I now have. I have a wonderful roster of clients and a perfect flow of new work. I have a great home, a lovely neighborhood, and adult children who are close by. I get to read all the books I want, and see all the people I want to see.
What’s not to like?
And, yet.
Like my friend, I kind of feel… restless. Like there is something just a little bit… something.
The other day I read a piece in the New York Times, and the author wrote: “The future has never been assured, but it feels as though we are living in a time of spectacular uncertainty.” Could my friend and I both be feeling the effects of the realization that while we have things in place right now - who knows what tomorrow might bring?
Maybe.
All I know, and what I shared with my friend is that sometimes we do everything right and there’s still no resolution.
Sometimes we can put all possible certainty into our plans, and some sort of unexpected earthquake rumbles up to change the landscape.
We can be successful and still face vulnerabilities.
Which is what my friend was discovering. What we were uncovering.
It’s hard to hear, but there is no insurance against uncertainty. There’s just the awareness that you’ve done tough things before and you’re going to do them again.
It’s knowing that when things are weird, you’re not going to freeze - you’re going to move in the direction that feels more and more right.
For her, it may revolve around getting chickens. For me, it looks like writing more often here on Substack.
That feels really right.